Script
THE LAWN MOWER scenario:
*Couple (unshaven man and his partner) browsing lawnmowers in shopping centre, they don’t seem satisfied with what they see, until they spot a small box at the end of the range with a shaver resting on top*
M: What about that one? (Points towards shaver)
P: It’s a bit small isn’t it?
M: Yeah, but it’s also a lot cheaper than the other ones we’ve looked at so far.
P: But it’ll take hours to mow the lawn with that thing.
M: It also takes hours to mow the lawn with that sad excuse for a mower your dad gave us, plus this is more precise, I won’t accidentally behead the flowers every time I cut the grass.
P: Fine just get it, and let’s go.
*Cut to a few days later. We see man walking through the living room past his partner to go into the garden. Partner who is sitting on the sofa watching TV informs him that:*
P: I’ve put it in the shed, but the charger is in the bathroom so that you can clean it and put in on charge once you’re done.
*Man responds with a simple thumbs up as he keeps striding through the house and into the garden. He goes into garden shed to get lawn mower, looks like he’s going to go for the old mower but reaches past and grabs shaver instead*
*Quick cuts of man cutting grass with shaver, having a great time [music playing in the background]. His neighbour (with scruffy beard) is also mowing the lawn, gives him confused look.*
*Starting to get dark, man’s partner calls him for dinner*
P: Dinner’s ready!
M: What already?
P: It’s 8:30 in the evening.
M: Oh..
*Gets up, face and clothes full of grass from lying down to mow the lawn*
*Aerial shot of man and his neighbour’s garden, revealing intricate pattern in man’s garden and poorly cut grass in neighbour’s garden*
*Goes to wash shaver in the bathroom sink, and puts it on charge*
*Cut to the next morning*
*Man is getting ready for the day, comes out of the shower and finds note next to sink from his partner that reads ‘please get rid of that scruffy thing on your face that you call a beard’*
*Man goes to reach for his razor but accidentally knocks over shaver*
*He sighs, goes to pick it up and fortuitously turns it on, he stares at the shaver, then looks at himself in the mirror and slowly lifts the shaver up to his face.*
*Quick cut to a shot of the closed bathroom door and brief sound of shaver cutting beard. Man lets out a small chuckle of triumph, and we hear the sound of the shaver as he continues to trim his beard*.
*Cut to a zooming out shot of the house as man shouts to his partner*
M: Honey/Darling/whatever sounds good! You won’t believe what else this thing can do!
*Product shot*
The new and improved *INSERT BRAND NAME + SHAVER MODEL HERE*. It can trim pretty much anything.
*Cut to shot of bathroom door again, we see man coming out of bathroom looking proud of himself, with a very intricate but ridiculous-looking beard. A couple of seconds later we hear his partner groan*
P: Oh what on earth is that?
PROPOSITION: You can count on it no matter what.
THE SURGERY scenario:
*Start in medias res, we are in a surgery room, where a group of surgeons are performing an operation on what seems to be a patient in critical condition*
*Cut to shot of surgeon asking for various medical tools*
Surgeon: Scalpel.
*Assistant hands him scalpel. Surgeon uses scalpel on patient, who is off-screen*
S: Tweezers.
*Same thing as before*
*Beeping from heart monitor intensifies, a sense of urgency settles in*
S: We’re losing him! Hand me the shaver.
*All assistants stop what they’re doing and look at surgeon, confused. Cut to shot of a group of doctors who are watching the surgery happen through a glass window from another room, they look equally confused*
S: Come on, we’re going to lose him!
*Assistant hands him shaver. We hear trimming sounds. Meanwhile, heart monitor beeps even faster*
Assistant: This isn’t working sir!
S: It will work! Hand me the scalpel.
*Scalpel is handed to him again, surgeon uses scalpel on patient, still off-screen. Heart monitor beeping slows.*
S: Stitch him up, we’re all done here, tell his family that he’ll be fine.
*Assistants and doctors breathe a sigh of relief. They roll him back to his hospital room*
*Surgeon leaves the operation room, one of the doctors who was watching the surgery approaches him as he comes out the door*
Doctor: Sir, if I may ask, why did you need the shaver? Was that not a massive risk?
S: I’ll tell you what, if I hadn’t done what I did, we may have lost the patient forever. His face was in a critical condition and required serious attention.
*Doctor keenly takes down notes and thanks surgeon for the information*
*Cut to shot of patient’s hand holding a picture of him with his family, he seems to have an unusually long, unkempt beard, which may have gotten in the way of the surgery*
*Cut to full shot of patient lying in the bed still holding the photo in his hand. We see his face, and more specifically that his beard has been trimmed to the shape of the readings of a heart monitor. Suddenly his family rushes in to hug him and they’re all happy. Patient’s spouse grabs his face and seems to say something positive about his trimmed beard and they laugh*
*Cut to product shot*
The new and improved *INSERT BRAND NAME + SHAVER MODEL HERE*. Precision and reliability when you need it most.
*Cut to the surgeon’s office, where he is doing something on the computer. His phone rings and he sees that he is getting a FaceTime call from his partner. He answers, and the partner remarks that the surgeon still hasn’t taken off his mask. When he takes it off we see that it is the same man as the Lawn Mower scenario*
THE KEBAB SHOP scenario:
*Shot of an old groggy kebab shop that doesn’t seem to be doing too well. It is run by an old man (approx. 60) and his son (approx. 20-25). The son seems to be relatively inexperienced and uninterested in running a kebab shop. The old man notices that they’re out of an ingredient, and they don’t have any in stock, so he tells the son to run the shop whilst he goes out to buy the missing ingredient*
Old Man: I’ll be no more than 35 minutes.
*Old man leaves the shop, whilst the son stands behind the counter, on his phone*
*Cut to shot of a food critic with a list of kebab shops that he is rating for his column in a food magazine. The kebab shop next on the list is the one run by the old man and his son.*
*The food critic enters the shop, the son barely acknowledges his arrival and keeps doing something on his phone. The critic raises his eyebrow and starts writing something on his notepad, presumably a comment on the customer service.*
*Nevertheless, the critic comes up to the counter, the son puts his phone down and begrudgingly gets out a pen and a post-it note before asking:*
Son: What can I get for you today?
Critic: A classic lamb kebab with lettuce, tomato and onions and a side of chips.
S: What sauce?
C: Surprise me.
*Son raises eyebrow in a judgmental manner, and continues writing down the order on a piece of paper*
S: That’s £5.50.
*Critic hands over the money and takes a seat. He notices that he is the only customer, despite it being rush-hour.*
*The son starts preparing the kebab, get out a bread roll and puts in the lettuce etc. He then turns around to slice off the meat. As he grabs the slicer, he mouthes “surprise me” in a caricatural way to mock the critic. He starts slicing the meat but the slicer jams and breaks after slicing off barely any meat. The son rolls his eyes and looks for a spare, but there isn’t one. He goes into the back of the restaurant (the kitchen), where he sees his dad’s brand new shaver laying in the sink. He looks around the kitchen for a spare slicer but there isn’t one. He goes back to the sink, shrugs, and gives the shaver a quick rinse before returning to the storefront. The critic sees him come out of the back with a shaver in his hands, and gives him a wary look. The son ignores him and resumes slicing the meat. However, the meat comes off shredded, rather than in small slices like it normally would. The son puts the meat into the bread and looks around for the sauces. He opts for an ambiguous-looking orange sauce and squirts it onto the kebab before putting it onto a semi-clean plate with the chips, and bringing it over to the critic.*
C: Is it always this quiet in here?
S: Pretty much.
*The son goes back to his phone, whilst the critic stares suspiciously at the kebab, which looks like it has pulled pork in it rather than lamb. He makes a note in his pad, presumably about the appearance of the dish. He takes a cautious bite out of the kebab, then another. He then writes something down and gets up, and leaves. At this point, the father returns, and turns around to watch as the only customer in the shop walks past him and exits the shop. He then looks at the half-eaten kebab, which looks nothing like it normally would. He grabs the plate and angrily walks to the counter where his son is (surprisingly) still on his phone.*
OM: What the hell is this?
S: A kebab? That’s what we sell here dad.
OM: But why does it look like this?
S: Oh yeah, the slicer broke so I had to use your shaver instead.
OM: YOU WHAT? I use that to shave my body hair, all of it! Do you want us to shut down???
*Son shrugs*
*Cut to a couple of days later. A group of tourists walk in holding a food magazine. They come to the counter and ask, is this *NAME OF KEBAB SHOP*? whilst pointing to the food critic’s column. The old man glares at the son, whilst he takes the magazine from the tourist.*
*Cut to a shot of the article, where we see that the shop is heavily praised by the critic for their USP of shredded lamb rather than sliced, and that the quality of the meat was fantastic. The old man smiles to the tourist.*
OM: Yes of course this is the place! What can I get you?
*The tourists order their food and take a seat. The old man goes to grab the brand-new slicer that he’d bought the previous day, but then hesitates, and goes for the shaver instead, which he hasn’t used since his son had borrowed it to serve the critic. He quickly pops out the blades and puts in new, clean blades, before proceeding to slicing the meat. As he turns around to finalise the dishes, he sees more people coming in, brandishing the same food magazine as the tourists. He smiles, and calls out to his son who is in the back to come help him. His son comes out, looks up from his phone and sees all the customers; he rolls his eyes. He goes to the till and starts serving the customers.*
*Pan out shot of the kebab shop, and we see more people heading towards the direction of the restaurant*
*Cut to product shot *
The new and improved *INSERT BRAND NAME + SHAVER MODEL HERE*. First class performance, no matter the task.
*Cut to son being interviewed on live TV about shop’s success. He is asked how he thought to use a shaver instead of a slicer. Whilst answering, he reveals that he used the shaver that his father used to trim his body hair, before he realises the mistake he has made.*
*Cut to a shot of a newspaper with headline ‘WORLD’S MOST SUCCESSFUL KEBAB SHOP CLOSED AFTER HYGIENE VIOLATIONS REVEALED ON LIVE TV’*